to the life inside me:

 i love being your mother.

thank you for coming to me.

i can't wait to know you.

although i'm sure i already do. 

i know that you picked me.

i know that you picked your dad.

i know that you chose to be part of our family.

our eternal family.

i know that i've loved you for lifetimes, thousands of years, millions of decades, forever.

and i promise i will never stop.

see you in october, little one.

i can't wait.

xo, mom

one year, one week and four days ago...

i married the love of my life. 

for a long time, the only marriage i really knew was my parents'. i knew that marriage was hard. i knew that marriage wasn't like the movies. i knew that marriage changed over time. but i also knew that people who got married, got married because at one point in their lives, they were in love. and in my mind, it never made sense how two people so in love, in love enough to devote their futures to each other, could fall out of that. and that scared me. scared me so bad i thought that love must not be real. that maybe love was just a feeling of youth, something that dies over time and it's just the way it is.

this past year of my life hasn't given me any super powers, i still can't see the future, i'm not all that much more mature or insightful, and i still don't understand why people fall out of love. because i tell you what, every night, when that man of mine falls asleep before me, and reaches over to hold my hand in his subconscious state, i fall in love all over. and every morning, when he kisses me and my baby bump goodbye and tells me how much he loves me, it happens all over again. 

i know that our lives are going to be challenging. i know that we have some pretty hefty hurdles in front of us and i know that we signed up for this life to be testing. but when i look at david and when i feel his unwavering, unconditional love for me, i know that it could never really be that bad -- because he's mine, and i'm his and we're in this together. 

photo by kamee june. thank you for the millionth time to kamee, who captured gorgeous images that embody exactly what i felt on my wedding day: peace.

  sweet man, i love being in love with you. 

you are my world.

thanks for saying "yes" to me one year, one week and four days ago.

we're still here.

nyc view from jersey city on date night last saturday

 we're alive, we made it to new jersey, and we are the busiest people in north america, i'm pretty sure. so busy, in fact, that we haven't even set up the wifi in our new apartment yet, which means that we've been using all of our data plan and our cell phone bill will be an additional $20 next month. can i get a break, at&t?
these days david works from 9am-10pm every.single.day. except sunday. but "the money is good" (my least favorite phrase) and we love power so we're kind of enjoying ourselves in a weird way.
as for me, vivint pays me a stupid amount of money to make some phone calls and type up some excel sheets. it keeps me busy and it lets me spend a little extra time with my man, but it also makes me want to nap a lot. here's to being a working woman, and here's to how sexy my man is when he talks business. rar.
yesterday was our one year anniversary, and i promise i will write a super sappy post about how much i love him in the near future. because believe me, i do. he is so the love of my life. we spent our anniversary working and then went out to dinner with our comanager and his wife and our regional manager. sweet romance, talking business and dollars at the table.
and we went to new york on sunday! it was a life experience. we're only a 20 minute train ride away from the world trade center. it's just an incredible sight, almost too incredible for words. 1776 feet high, a symbol of our country's rebirth. we also walked around downtown for a couple hours and ate delicious waffles with nutella and strawberries on them. i felt like i transported back to my study abroad in london for those 4 minutes it took me to devour it. 
i am still pregnant. getting more and more pregnant each and every day. my stomach is all sorts of funky looking and bulbous. i can feel my uterus popping out more than ever and my baby bump is rock solid. i wear david's clothes way more than i should. i'm just a full-fledged cross dresser these days but you can't blame me, the bump doesn't fit in much. pregnancy is the weirdest thing, i swear. i want to say "oh it's so magical" and blah blah but jeez i just think it's so weird. there's a baby the size of an avocado growing in my stomach? there's a baby sitting on my hipbones, pinching my sciatic nerves and causing all sorts of nasty pain in my butt? a baby? it's just weird. and magical, of course. but weird.
don't forget about me, blogosphere. i'm still here. just a little busy making phone calls to east coast people who don't understand my california accent. someone just tell me, do i say "solicitor's license" funny? no one out here can understand me. frustrating as hell. and i'm also busy making a human life in my body, too. no big deal right. 

can this week just be over?

do you ever just wish you could fast-forward?

this is one of those times.

not only do i have to write a 6 page media law paper on who knows what, pack up my entire house, move all our furniture into storage, and clean the place, we have a lovely 36 hour drive to look forward to. 

you heard me right, friends. 

36 hours from here to new jersey. 

just shoot me now. 

on a much happier note, we got to hear our baby's heartbeat today. it was perfect. the dr. said all my lab results were "abnormally normal." what can i say, momma's built like a brick.

on a happier note part 2, our dear, dear friend kurt took us to outback tonight on his dime. there are some people in this world that are good to the core. my husband is one of them. and kurt leseuer is one of them. and i sure hope this babe of mine is one of them too. it seems like the older i get, the fewer people i find like this. it's a shame, really. but it makes me really value those that i have.

i always get sentimental when closing a chapter of our lives. the start of summer marks a fresh start and a new beginning, but i have really loved our off season living in this little blue house.

but on to the next.

to bigger and better things. 

peace be the journey.

california, you have my heart.

this past easter weekend we made a short trip home to spend the holiday with my family. 

since we're moving to new jersey in t-10 days, this was our last opportunity to see them before we return in last august, 7 months pregnant and all.

despite a flat fire that needed replacing (see ya later $140) and an easter buffet that was breakfast only, it was such a great weekend and we loved just about every minute of it.

there is something about california air that soothes my soul. the whole time i kept thinking about how we need to get back there, how we need to raise our baby near the ocean and the sunshine, where we grew up. but then we looked up real estate and realized we probably won't be making that move any time soon. unless we win the lottery of course. or make a million dollars doing summer sales. vivint for life.

so someday we will be residents of south county again, but until that joyous day, we're going to make the best of happy valley. 

until we meet again, california. 

i just love you.

snapshots of the weekend:

veggie grill lunch when we got in on friday. favorite. 

david ready to bbq down by the pool.

laying by the pool on saturday. 

the big man loves him some smores. 

david forgot church clothes for sunday and had to borrow from my dad, which meant he and dane were twins. 

let's hear it for my baby daddy.

 i can imagine that being married to me isn't always a piece of cake.

especially since i've been pregnant.

i'm bossy and needy and impatient on a good day, and this pregnancy thing has really magnified all my worst qualities by about 300%. 

so here's to the big man, who takes care of me (us) with such care and thoughtfulness and love.

for rubbing my legs to ease my sciatic nerve pain, 

for making trip after trip to smith's, wendy's, carl's jr, and arby's to satisfy baby's cravings, 

for scrubbing the bath tub at 1am last night so i could take a much needed bath, 

for offering to help me with my research project due next week, 

for helping me take my prenatal vitamins which make me want to vomit every time, 

for not thinking i'm crazy when the mood swings hit full force,

for rubbing this baby bump, 

for rubbing my back, 

for rubbing my feet,
for bringing me home homemade chocolate marshmallows,

for snuggling me in the middle of the night, 

for walking on the side closest to traffic, 

for working hard to provide for us, 

for being my partner in life and this crazy thing called pregnancy.

you are the best man i've ever known, david. and i love you.

it's true...

i'm a sacred vessel carrying a precious little life!

and it's also true that this was quite a surprise and very much unplanned, but it's amazing how after the shock wore off, we instantly fell head over heels in love with a sea monkey alien growing in my body. 

i tell you what, i've never loved anything like i love this little mini baby, and it's so amazing to me that someone i've never met, someone i don't know yet, can make such an impact on my life, my priorities, my marriage. 

i think that it's always reassuring to see the Lord's hand in our lives, even if we don't see the big picture of His plan for us. although we probably wouldn't have chosen this exact time to become parents, i know that this is the right thing for us, that this is what we needed, and i am thankful for a God that knows me personally. 

david and i feel blessed beyond measure that we get to be parents and that our bodies work and that the Lord is trusting us with raising one of His children. this experience has enriched our lives ten fold.

it's impossible to not feel closer than ever to the Lord when your body is manufacturing a life.

of that i'm sure.